Day 5 – Reactive behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when and as I go into reactive behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go into reactive behavior judge myself as already being too late to stop the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go into reactive behavior of what some has said, where I got triggered to react and to in that moment not feel like I can hold myself back, go into the energy and possession of the energy and to follow the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I follow the energy of being in a reactive possession believe that it is good, that it has a point and to within that get carried away and speak and behave in a way that I cannot take back what I have said or done, and so go into the feeling of now it is too late, I have fucked up, and to start identifying myself with the reactive behavior as who I am and that I am now bad and cannot change and so already create the next reactive behavior moment where I will now trust this behavior and believe that behavior is good for me, because it allowed me to let a lot of things out where I feel good yet disregarded the other person or people within my behavior. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in reactive behavior to believe that this reactive behavior has come up for a reason and thus it must have a point, and thus act out the point and impose this reactive behavior onto others, when in fact the point was for me to stop the reactive behavior and to take a look at what someone else has said and why that made me react and what is the point within me that I need to look at and that it has nothing to do with the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go into a reaction where my behavior changes, my voice changes, my beingness changes and I start resonating off a certain energy of dominance, self-righteousness to FLAG this as a red flag, to not go into it, to not speak further, to rather stop, breathe and low down, see what is here within me, and to within this FIRST sort out myself and then only speak, if I find I am unable to in that moment stop, I commit myself to not speak, to not say a thing until I have taken the point back to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm and hurt others with my words and my physical behaviors that change in how I hold myself with my words and through what I am saying by accepting and allowing to take on this reactive behavior as who I am and that it means something, that it has a point. 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the harm that I cause when and as I go into reactive behavior when and as someone else says something that activated reactions within me, that is of me inherently, and to within that take my personal point and super impose it onto the other person and to within this disregard the other person completely and thus hurt them, harm them in ways that I do not understand as I was possessed and consumed only within y own energies only thinking about myself and not what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mean and ugly when and as I go into the reactive behavior and to within this take on a totally new and different character that I do not like, yet I play the character and afterwards I do not know myself and can only them play into a polarity game of how I feel and how I make others feel the whole time, always trapping myself between good and bad and never standing as me as life one and equal as clarity and as best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and believe that when and as I am within a reactive point as my behavior that I am acting out that I am in some point of power and thus within this attach and learn and believe that this reactive behavior gives me power and so start to enjoy and fear it at the same time, as it can be unpredictable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within the point of playing out reactive behavior and to allow it, to go into it, to NOT stop it, and to then create consequences that I yet do not understand but will have to live through and feel it and learn and see it, instead of seeing and realizing that real power is here within me t STOP the reactive behavior and to breathe and to rather be still till I am clear and only speak once I am here as what is best for all and not my own personal reaction and personal points of flushing my shit out onto another.