Day 635 – 32 words, ARTICULATE part 1




Articulate - Having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently.

Coherently - (with reference to an argument, theory, or policy) in a logical and consistent way.
In a way that forms a unified whole.

To articulate myself, to express myself in a fluent, consistent way where my words as sentences forms a unified whole. The art of I/Me to place into words what I see within Me, one and equal.

I am basically only now familiarizing myself with this word. I have heard it before, a few times in my life, Each time I have heard of this word it was more in the sense of being a weakness of mine, I had to each time ask, what does this word mean? Someone would tell me, explain to me. I have found that I had a misalignment with this word within me each time.

The first misalignment I had within this word within me was that I believe that I must be intellectual to be articulate. This isn’t the case, as to be articulate within expressing myself, I simply have to slow Way down, look within me, see what is here within me before I speak on a certain point or matter, or respond to someone, but most important how I communicate with myself, and to within that kind of “sort” through the information/words to find the words that I do have and to place them in the best possible way to express to me/others what I see in words/sentences.

The weakness comes in where I RUSH, where I go into EMOTION/REACTION to speak either to myself or to others, within these moments as a reaction I scramble EVERYTHING within me, all information, and so the form the information takes is that of emotion, a mess of energy and words. I lose the sequence within me, or I lose the ability to place everything in a sequence as what I see.
My biggest challenge has always been to articulate myself in everything I see within me within what I am doing, or why I did certain things, or how I even think about things – how I process information within me.

This has been a challenge for me because of a certain believe that I have within myself that is the approach, the drive for HOW I articulate myself.

The Believe that SCRAMBLES the information within me comes from the belief that No one is hearing me or will hear me. Within this I go into the energetic experience of rushing to say what I want to say, to get it out, even if it is all mixed up and wrong, as long as I get to say this thing/point and get it out there. Within this approach I go into energy each and every time, I then go into reaction as fear, fear of not being heard.

When I take this back to myself as the origin of this point. I can see that I have played this out many times in my life, more than I count, where I go into this fear of not being heard (thus fear of not being taken serious, being taken into consideration) and now I need to look at how am I not articulating myself to myself, how I communicate to myself.

I am looking at this point right now – I see that I rush everything with myself, I do not give myself the time and space to actually sit down and to look at information, or to get more information if needed, to have a sequence, to have a unified whole in what I am looking at within myself to understand myself, and thus to work better with ME as who I am, I have LOST value within myself, I have come to see myself as not worthy to spend the time and efforts on me.

I have slight memories coming up where I am a child, where I wasn’t given moments to express me and to develop the proper words to express me. I see myself surrounded by adults that saw me as less, and what I had to express was simply a fleet of a moment of a child that has nothing important to share, I am just this child that wants to distract and take time from the adults, my observations, stories and experiences I wanted to share wasn’t important, the adults gave me maybe 50% of their attention, then they had to be busy again, get back to what they were doing. I was left with this experience, not knowing what to do with it. To adjust myself to the behaviour of the adults, I had to RUSH myself, I had to quickly share something to be heard or to get direction, I would now rather share through speaking quickly, I would become emotional and try my best to simply get it out.

This didn’t have an effect much, as the adults just gave a nob, a quick answer, they confirmed to me that they have given me a fleeting moment of their time with a smile and a word, not any real support, no clarifying and no understanding, no actual participation.

Through this over time I started giving up on sharing my stories, sharing my experiences and to articulate them openly and making it known, I did not develop an effective way of articulating within me the information as the feedback was limited to adjust and enhance myself. I started following the Emotions, where I acted on how I feel instead, how I reacted, I started trusting the energy within me how to move and direct myself, what to say and how.

This over time has given me the classification of being spontaneous in my actions, and random, it inspired people, I was given praise for being spontaneous, being random and at times even given a label of being charismatic, because everything I did and do comes from emotion/feeling, no actual structure, no unified holistic approach where everything I do makes sense, as I could never make sense of anything really. I had to follow what I feel and how I feel things and somehow through my actions express that as it was here.

I do see that it is a strong point, and why so many enjoyed me being that way, but deep down there was actually a cry for structure, for direction, for something stable to build on, which would have been the ability to articulate, to take the information I have and to place it in a sequence, where things could have steps, and outcomes that could have been planned better and where I could actually have had the ability to make sense of what’s going on in me and not assume everything as emotion, as fear, as stress and anxiety.

I see and realize that I must focus on forming the information within me in a way where I can make sense of it, where it is practical, common sense and best for all, thus me, where I can actually apply and LIVE this word within everything I do, to stop and forgive the energy that I have become addicted to, to move myself as, I have come to TRUST the energy/emotions and feelings as I have never lived articulate. My life has been very inconsistent within me, which is chaos and no plausible change that can be shown in a consistent way, even when I have the change, that change is also just a mess within me and thus I find myself unable to share it.

It was actually on the point of me wanting to SHARE myself more in videos and blogs on all the things I have faced, walked and changed and I realized I had this bloc, this energy that keeps coming up, that throws me way off and whatever I wanted to share never really came through, and I always referred in my blogs and vlogs to the point of being spontaneous and charismatic. This left me disappointed and feeling incomplete after each blog of vlog, as I knew it could have been powerful, but instead it ended up being this blob of energy.

I started this 32 words challenge as I see this will be good for me to start applying the word articulate within myself with each word that is within the list I have created. To express and share me within it.

I will do what I usually do not do, I will spend the TIME to write each blog, to give me the opportunity, and google, to google the words.

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